Photo by Antoni Shkraba
Tish Barnhardt is the author of books for women married to pastors dealing with infidelity. Not everything that’s supposedly been sanctified pushes through until the good ending. Remember, there was even trouble in paradise–what’s more in this imperfect world?
An Allegedly Blessed Union
While we may call upon God to bless marriages, we don’t really know if it really was. The only way is to see how things pan out. There are good marriages, and there are bad ones. That’s the simple truth of things.
Marriages should be a blissful union where love and commitment intertwine with one another to amplify each party’s singular happiness and make them one great source of lasting joy.
Yet, even in good unions, there are insecurities.
A vulnerability in a relationship like insecurity seems like a minor issue, but if it’s left to sort itself out, that’s a red alert right there. You don’t want insecurities to find space and grow into something larger and more difficult to address. That’s why acknowledging that there are insecurities in the first place is a good thing; if that’s done, that’s already one step forward, and couples can get some solid footing to try and understand things a bit more.
Photo by Timur Weber
Dealing with Insecurities in Marriage
First things first, what should be done if there are insecurities in a marriage is to go to its root. Not all insecurities are born equal, you see; some can be talked about and resolved in a single sitting, while there are insecurities that can feel so lodged that it’s necessary to do some metaphorical surgery.
Here are some common sources for insecurities that you may want to sit down with your partner and engage with:
- Past experiences. Subconsciously or consciously, every relationship changes us, whether they are good or bad. In the case with bad relationships, there might be some experiences that have left some unresolved emotional baggage. These are akin to ticking time bombs that can go off suddenly and without warning.
- Low self-esteem. Although we may think the world of our partners, they might not agree with our assessment. That’s because people who don’t really hold to themselves don’t believe that they are deserving of good things, which may include being with and being married to you. While time may ease things, there’s an equal chance of backsliding.
- Jealousy. When in a relationship, we like to think we’ve done everything we can for our partners to assure them–but, sometimes, we may be overlooking things. Whether it’s real or not, jealousy can transform insecurities into dark behaviors.
These are just three sources for insecurities, but the world is wide; and there’s easily a lot more than what has been mentioned.
Fixing Trouble in Paradise
Overcoming whatever insecurity there is in a relationship requires everyone involved to be actively involved. This means that if one partner is jealous, you don’t go and leave them to sort things out on their own. Just imagine if someone did that to you–would you think they were actually your partner? This is especially the case with marriage, where there is already the idea that the couple is one entity.
- Open and honest communication. Actively work towards making a space where everyone is free to express their emotions without fear of being judged.
- Trust and reliance. Insecurities more-or-less arise out of some lack of trust, whether it’s a lack of trust in you or in other people. When this trust is broken, rebuilding it will require great effort and time.
- Assurance and adoration. When a partner has low self-esteem issues, it is the duty of the other to assure them that they are needed and that they are loved. Remind them always and consistently that while the world may not see them properly, you do.
- Boundaries and limits. While a marriage is seen as the unity of two people, that does not mean that everything should be out in the open. We all need our individual spaces, and that should be acknowledged.
Photo by Anastasiya Lobanovskaya
Marriage is a Journey, Not a Destination
It’s a cliche, but it’s true. Not all cliches are bad, after all.
Marriage is not the end all, be all. Marriage is just another chapter. When you get married to someone, it does not automatically mean that everything is good now. Marriage is a milestone that reminds couples how far they’ve gone and an assurance that it’s only the beginning.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
So You Want to Be a First Lady, a tale of insecurity, acceptance, and lasting love, is available for purchase through this link!
